Dear Hershey's,
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but your Reese's Peanut Butter Egg product is an absolute thing of greatness. Plain and simple, the ratio of peanut butter to chocolate is highly superior to the original peanut butter cup making for a near-perfect and certainly euphoric candy experience.
I also must tell you that your follow-up attempts to ride on the coat tails of PB egg bliss are commendable. Some of the imitations are better than others but all are close enough to lead up to the joyful PB egg season, culminating in pure awesomeness. (I'm on my second bag, thanks.)
But what are we to do when egg season has passed? This oversight has me especially disgruntled this year because I very regrettably let it slip my mind to race to the nearest convenience store in search of Easter candy discounts. As it is now the third day after Easter, and with past experience of course, I am fully aware of the likelihood - slim - that I will score anymore PB eggs. After all, I'm not the only one who loves them. (There are multiple pages on Facebook dedicated to their honor. All the proof you need, obvi.)
Peanut-Butter-Cup-turned-holiday-shapes season starts in October. Then we have all of November to enjoy our pumpkins. December brings us trees. February hearts and then finally eggs. But from April to October, we are forced to either ration our supplies - unlikely - or suffer through the cravings. Not fair.
So I'm proposing you at least do us the justice of creating another PB cup shape. A star on the Fourth of July would make the most sense, but I don't care what you do, honestly. Just do it, Hershey's. Make it happen. A flag on Flag Day? Sure why not. It may just be a rectangle, but as long as the PB/chocolate ratio's spot on, I won't complain. A maple leaf on Canada Day? Sign me up. For all I care, you can have a carrot-shaped PB cup for National Eat Your Vegetables Day in June. I just need a fix, and I need it now.
Sincerely,
Molly
P.S. Your attention to this matter will likely result in an ease-up of the fierce grudge I've held against you for ridding the Jolly Rancher assorted mix bags of lemon-flavored goodness. Think about it. (Now.)
15 April 2009
11 April 2009
Show your character
Yesterday I volunteered to "sell" papers on a busy street corner from 6:15-9 a.m. for Greater KC Day. Greater KC Day is put on by Royals Charities, with proceeds going to the KC Rotary Youth. It's a good cause, so it makes it worth it to wake up at 5:30 a.m. - an hour I didn't know existed. The first year I volunteered ruined any other years for me, I think, because it was absolutely gorgeous weather. This year, and last, was plagued with cold, rain and wind. But rain or shine, you're bound to learn about all the behaviors of people trying to avoid giving you any monies. These ill-patterned individuals were the most common of everyone I saw in the 2 1/2 hour span. (KC, you make me so proud.)
The Lane Changer: Oh, because changing lanes is really going to help. You're one lane over so you think I can't see you? Look, my posse has all corners covered, so even if you get away without handing over your change, you're sure as heck not getting away without guilt.
The Vision Averter: Similar to the lane changer, this driver will stay in the lane they were originally driving in, but when they pull up to stop, they make sure they're in a position where the bar on their windshield blocks the line of vision between the person trying to ask for money and them. Excuse me, are you three years old? Because I remember when I was three years old ... playing hide and seek, the best strategy was "if I can't see them, they can't see me."
The Center Consoler: This is amazing ... all of a sudden, when they pull up to stop, their center console becomes fascinating.
The I'm Really Busy: The cell phone is the most common. You know, because when you're talking on the phone, it's obviously impossible to roll down your window and hand me some change. Others use their coffee mugs. But I don't think it would matter if it was a four-week old can of Volt - they will drink it just to avoid contact with someone volunteering their time for a good cause.
The Laugher or Shaker: Yes, there were several people who either shook their head in seemingly disgust at me, or who just laughed at me because I'm an idiot for standing outside in the current weather conditions. Well you know what? I'm judging you for doing that. I feel fairly confident in saying I am a better person than you are. Deal with it.
The Straight One: No, I'm not referring to sexual orientation. This one will look straight ahead, and only straight ahead, no matter what. I think next year I will approach their car, two inches from their window, just to test their commitment to looking straight on. If you stay strong, I will give you major props. If I win, you give me all the cash in your wallet. And remember, I have boobs and I know how to use them. (Ok, I probably won't use them. But I'll still probably win.)
The Shifty One: These ones try to look straight ahead, but it's easy to see their eyes shift to you, wondering if you're still standing there asking for money. Yep. Still here...
The Nice Car: If you're driving a brand new Lexus or BMW, and you don't even give me an "I'm sorry" look, let alone your spare change or dollar, I will judge you, too. I don't even have to explain myself on that one.
The Dry One: This is the a-hole who's nice and dry in the parking garage next to you, in his fancy suit, who asks you if you have a dry paper. I make the effort to dig one out even though I can't feel my fingers - and he walks away without giving a donation. Not even a quarter. Ok this was just one guy last year, and I'm definitely still bitter.
The not-really a Royals fan Royals fan: Look, it's Greater KC Day. One of the Royals' biggest initiatives for charity. And everyone who's a real Royals fan knows about the hundreds of volunteers who litter KC-area street corners to raise money one day a year. So if you're wearing Royals gear and you don't donate or you practice one of the previously listed offenses, you are not a Royals fan. Seriously.
Don't get me wrong, there were some generous and friendly people out there. Ones who gave me $5 and $10 bills, out sympathy more than anything. Or the lady who offered to get me a cup of coffee. But unfortunately, the sketchy people outnumbered the good ones.
But let's be honest, we've all been victim to this shady behavior at least once, whether it's a homeless person or fireman with a boot asking for money. I'd say I'm a fair mix of either the cell phoner or the vision averter. But after three years of witnessing this crappy-but-inevitable human behavior first hand, I've vowed to donate to good causes when I see them. The ones panhandling ... well, that's another blog in itself. I won't go there.
So which one are you?
The Lane Changer: Oh, because changing lanes is really going to help. You're one lane over so you think I can't see you? Look, my posse has all corners covered, so even if you get away without handing over your change, you're sure as heck not getting away without guilt.
The Vision Averter: Similar to the lane changer, this driver will stay in the lane they were originally driving in, but when they pull up to stop, they make sure they're in a position where the bar on their windshield blocks the line of vision between the person trying to ask for money and them. Excuse me, are you three years old? Because I remember when I was three years old ... playing hide and seek, the best strategy was "if I can't see them, they can't see me."
The Center Consoler: This is amazing ... all of a sudden, when they pull up to stop, their center console becomes fascinating.
The I'm Really Busy: The cell phone is the most common. You know, because when you're talking on the phone, it's obviously impossible to roll down your window and hand me some change. Others use their coffee mugs. But I don't think it would matter if it was a four-week old can of Volt - they will drink it just to avoid contact with someone volunteering their time for a good cause.
The Laugher or Shaker: Yes, there were several people who either shook their head in seemingly disgust at me, or who just laughed at me because I'm an idiot for standing outside in the current weather conditions. Well you know what? I'm judging you for doing that. I feel fairly confident in saying I am a better person than you are. Deal with it.
The Straight One: No, I'm not referring to sexual orientation. This one will look straight ahead, and only straight ahead, no matter what. I think next year I will approach their car, two inches from their window, just to test their commitment to looking straight on. If you stay strong, I will give you major props. If I win, you give me all the cash in your wallet. And remember, I have boobs and I know how to use them. (Ok, I probably won't use them. But I'll still probably win.)
The Shifty One: These ones try to look straight ahead, but it's easy to see their eyes shift to you, wondering if you're still standing there asking for money. Yep. Still here...
The Nice Car: If you're driving a brand new Lexus or BMW, and you don't even give me an "I'm sorry" look, let alone your spare change or dollar, I will judge you, too. I don't even have to explain myself on that one.
The Dry One: This is the a-hole who's nice and dry in the parking garage next to you, in his fancy suit, who asks you if you have a dry paper. I make the effort to dig one out even though I can't feel my fingers - and he walks away without giving a donation. Not even a quarter. Ok this was just one guy last year, and I'm definitely still bitter.
The not-really a Royals fan Royals fan: Look, it's Greater KC Day. One of the Royals' biggest initiatives for charity. And everyone who's a real Royals fan knows about the hundreds of volunteers who litter KC-area street corners to raise money one day a year. So if you're wearing Royals gear and you don't donate or you practice one of the previously listed offenses, you are not a Royals fan. Seriously.
Don't get me wrong, there were some generous and friendly people out there. Ones who gave me $5 and $10 bills, out sympathy more than anything. Or the lady who offered to get me a cup of coffee. But unfortunately, the sketchy people outnumbered the good ones.
But let's be honest, we've all been victim to this shady behavior at least once, whether it's a homeless person or fireman with a boot asking for money. I'd say I'm a fair mix of either the cell phoner or the vision averter. But after three years of witnessing this crappy-but-inevitable human behavior first hand, I've vowed to donate to good causes when I see them. The ones panhandling ... well, that's another blog in itself. I won't go there.
So which one are you?
08 April 2009
Restrictions
I don't travel that much, but almost every day I'm haunted, daunted and annoyed-aunted by the liquid restrictions associated with it. It's really shaped the way we trek across states, countries and continents ... not in a good way.
How many times do I have to go spend a dollar on shampoo that's going to be good for two uses? And you know what? This rule is discriminatory considering half of the products, that must be used to tame the frizzy beast that is my hair, don't come in 3 oz bottles. And forget about transferring them to those 3 oz travel bottles - I end up wasting too much to make it worth it. So basically what I'm saying is that when I travel and don't check a bag, I look like donkey dung.
So I was thinking the other day, how normal is it that when looking at bottles of things, I automatically check the liquid volume measurements with flights in mind? It's not normal at all, is the answer, not only because the aforementioned lack of travel, but the fact that most of the things I check for travel-worthiness are never things I'd take with me.
So I decided to take inventory of items in my office cube to see what would or would not make the cut. Here are the items won't be going with my on my next flight:
Here is what will make the cut:
So we could talk about the fact that I have three baby bottles of liquor on my desk - one of which is halfway empty. But I think it'd be cooler talk about the fact that two of the three alcohols are named after famous artists. When did that become a trend and when can we expect it to go away? Thanks.
How many times do I have to go spend a dollar on shampoo that's going to be good for two uses? And you know what? This rule is discriminatory considering half of the products, that must be used to tame the frizzy beast that is my hair, don't come in 3 oz bottles. And forget about transferring them to those 3 oz travel bottles - I end up wasting too much to make it worth it. So basically what I'm saying is that when I travel and don't check a bag, I look like donkey dung.
So I was thinking the other day, how normal is it that when looking at bottles of things, I automatically check the liquid volume measurements with flights in mind? It's not normal at all, is the answer, not only because the aforementioned lack of travel, but the fact that most of the things I check for travel-worthiness are never things I'd take with me.
So I decided to take inventory of items in my office cube to see what would or would not make the cut. Here are the items won't be going with my on my next flight:
- Green Tabasco, 5 oz. ... oh, so close! How awesome would it be if I demanded to travel with my green tabasco? Really awesome.
- Cooper's Pure Honey bear bottle, 12 oz. ... Samsonite, I was way off!
- Sweet Pea Healing Hand Cream, 4 oz. ... This one's ok with me. I'm going to pass a law that bans any perfume scents on planes anyway. Some people really can't comprehend the word "moderation."
- Always Save brand cooking spray, 8 oz. ... Yes, it's totally normal that I have this in my food drawer. And yes, I have a food drawer.
Here is what will make the cut:
- A plastic New York snow globe, unknown oz. ... I know this isn't labeled, but there's no way this is over 3 oz. of liquid glitter. And who doesn't need to travel with a NY snow globe?
- Pallini Limoncello mini bottle, 50 ML ... (that's approximately 1.7 oz, duh.)
- Van Gogh Dutch Chocolate Vodka, 50 ML ... (see above, smarties.)
- Mozart Chocolate liqueur, .05 L ... I don't the conversion to oz on this one. Not sure why Mozart has to be an a-hole about it. Probably for the same reason that he spelled "liquor" in a dumb, dumb way.
So we could talk about the fact that I have three baby bottles of liquor on my desk - one of which is halfway empty. But I think it'd be cooler talk about the fact that two of the three alcohols are named after famous artists. When did that become a trend and when can we expect it to go away? Thanks.
05 April 2009
Well shoot
So I've been staring at my last blog entry, desperately trying to muster up something to write about. Work is still frying up my brain in a big ol' corporate saucepan, so unless it has to do with Sam's Club, Payless or the Kansas City Art Institute, I've got nothing of worth to offer when it comes to commentary.
I thought about writing about what I've been up to lately. But I didn't think my reader(s?) cared to know about the status of my attempts to grow out my finger nails. (Eight of them are growing strong. Thumbs are nubbins. I can't figure it out.)
Then I thought about writing about what I'm going to do in the near future. But there's only so much I can write about Royals games and the pending opening of MLB season. (I live at Kauffman stadium. No seriously, I've considered re-routing my mail there for the next six-month period.)
I've gone on two mini-trips in the last month, so I could share pictures. But we should probably talk about how 98% of them are of animals. I'm not sure how I figured out that math, but I'm going to assume it's accurate. You should do the same. And I should assume you're not interested in seeing said pictures.
So if anyone has any genius introspection of how I can leap over this mound of freak un-inspiration, holler.
I thought about writing about what I've been up to lately. But I didn't think my reader(s?) cared to know about the status of my attempts to grow out my finger nails. (Eight of them are growing strong. Thumbs are nubbins. I can't figure it out.)
Then I thought about writing about what I'm going to do in the near future. But there's only so much I can write about Royals games and the pending opening of MLB season. (I live at Kauffman stadium. No seriously, I've considered re-routing my mail there for the next six-month period.)
I've gone on two mini-trips in the last month, so I could share pictures. But we should probably talk about how 98% of them are of animals. I'm not sure how I figured out that math, but I'm going to assume it's accurate. You should do the same. And I should assume you're not interested in seeing said pictures.
So if anyone has any genius introspection of how I can leap over this mound of freak un-inspiration, holler.
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